I suppose I will try to make an effort to write more.

Things just are not that eventful right now . . .

And it just came to my attention that this is my 42nd posting!!!!!

I’m going to try to sum things up in this.

Since I last posted, quite a lot has happened.

I’ve finished my first semester of college and am halfway through the second

Dad is back to work, but Mom quit her job. That’s fine by me, though, because the stress was slowly killing her.

It’s 3 months, and 7 days until Chris and Sophie get married.

I’m mostly over butt-face-y-boi Dillon.

Things with Brandon have not gone anymore, but that’s expected.

There’s this dude that Mira and I call LC….he’s a little odd and in love with me o.O

My sister is in counseling, which makes me happy because I don’t want her to turn out like I did.

I’ve recently started seeing a counselor again. I was getting severely depressed and all I thought about was suicide.

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou is a wonderful poem. ALL GIRLS SHOULD READ IT

I <3 LFA & Papertowns.

I’m currently house-sitting for LC’s family. It’s odd and boring. I should be doing homework right now but I’m obviously not. But through this experience, I have decided that if I ever happen to marry LC, I don’t want to be like his mother. She is a lunatic! ^_^ loopy, loopy woman.

I’ll come up with more exciting stuff to talk about later

<3

Um yesterday Maegen made me cry, but it was happy tears.

Also Brandon and I had a good day, which is rare. It was like we had gone back to how close we were back during the summer…I miss those days. He texted me and said he wasn’t okay so I called him. Later on he had an audition for SBU and he called me afterwards. Why? Just to tell me how it had gone, to tell me all about what he had to do.

Sure, he’d had a fight with Kayla, so he couldn’t tell her. Which means I was his second choice. But hey, he’s in love with the girl…whataya expect? But….I still was glad we had a good day.

And I’m shy as a froggin’ snail and I hate it. Blehs.

Angela and I had a fashion show this morning….and then built a killer snow fort with a snowman as a guard. It was awesome.

I love Mira.

Last night…Brandon pretty much told me to eff off. But…he doesn’t know it upset me. Because I never tell him. And then today…even though I was mad, I decided to text him. Our friendship just feels like so much work. And, yea, he hurt me again. It’s whatever. I’ll learn to live with it I guess. Or without him since I’m done trying to make it work.

I would say I’ll just end up forgiving him again, but it’s not even forgiveness. It’s only forgiveness if he knows he’s messed up and he apologizes to me for it. But he’ll never know, because I won’t tell him. To me, it doesn’t matter if he knows. I don’t care if he knows, because I don’t feel that my feelings matter a whole lot. Meh.

I don’t have a whole lot to say other than…facebook hates me but Mira loves me ^_^

However, I took a moment to pray and it helped to calm me down. The professor ended up not caring about the non-existence of my essay, so it was just fine. I had to talk in my Oral Communications class, but it was okay. I did fine…no biggie. I figured out that Ryan is a total fake….:/

Um…Shayla is lost on my whole Ben-Dillon issue. I guess…I’ve just given up on the Dillon dream. It’s pointless Ben…eh…I’m just glad we’re talking now.

However, I feel like I’m going bonkers. I need a day off where I don’t have to deal with anything or anyone…I could just like lock myself in my room and chill out….and talk with God. But I don’t see that happening…at all

I’m not going to get much sleep tonight. It is ten o’clock at night and I have a pile of homework I need to do by 9:30 tomorrow morning. And what am I doing? Not homework, obviously. I had every intention of doing that homework, but then I went to brush my teeth. My little sister rarely interacts with God, but most young kids don’t. I never hear her sing any praise songs, or anything of the sort. What I heard tonight floored me. She was singing an Addison Road song that she hears me sing quite frequently. The line she was singing: the slightest glimpse of You brought me down to my knees.

It touched my heart to hear that. Sure, there’s a very good chance she didn’t truly mean it; she just liked the song. However, I’ve planted a seed. Since Christmas, I haven’t listened to much non-Christian music and I’m sure she’s picked up on that. She loves borrowing my Skillet and Flyleaf CD’s. She also likes to borrow the CD Mira made me, which isn’t all Christian music. But….the only songs she listens to are the Christian ones, which surprises me greatly.

This morning, in worship, Ben was in front of me and watching him simply put a smile on my face. He’s not afraid to raise his hands, or close his eyes and turn his face up to Heaven. It just makes me happy to watch that. I mustered up the courage to send him a message on facebook about something involving the youth group, and we started talking. I found out he was a missionary with his family for eight years in the Philippines. Wow. I ended up asking him quite a few questions about it, but if nothing else, I may have made him feel like someone cared. You never know the smallest things could change someone’s life.

Like Luke Everett. His story is the most amazing thing. I won’t go into it all—I expect any readers to look him up: Hearing Everett—but his father started a school/home for deaf children all because of a man that played the organ. However, it wasn’t just any normal man or any normal organ. This man had no arms from the elbow down and no legs from the knee down and he played on a special organ. He played “God use me” which goes something like…God use me, do not refuse me, for surely there is something I can do. Everett’s father realized that he wasn’t disabled at all and he was not allowing God to use him.

Everett came to my church today, and I think many people benefited from his sermon. We also watched his video Hearing Everett tonight, and I ended up bawling. When he was telling the story of his wife’s near-death experience, he started to cry. It took me back to when Daddy was in the hospital, and telling me he loved me and he didn’t blame me, all while choking back tears. My dad simply doesn’t cry that easily.

I know God wants me with the youth group right now, but sometimes I feel out of place and like the youth don’t want me there. Tonight, Justin told me that I’m like a big sister to him and he appreciates my dedication to the youth. He says that I’m really helpful and he likes having me there. It helped a lot, especially after all of this youth leader business. He gave the devotional for the youth tonight. I was so proud of him.

So, my Nana had a stroke last Thursday. That’s my dad’s mom. The one my parents dislike because she—along with the rest of that side of the family—said it was no big deal that my cousin had molested me when I was younger. I was really upset over their reaction for many years, but I’ve recently realized that I can’t be that way. God wants me to love her. God wants me to get her back into church. I don’t know how much longer I have left with her…

Tristah: So…why are you going to school?

Me: So I can be a teacher.

Tristah: Oh…

Me: What’s wrong, Tristah?

Tristah: I don’t want you to be a teacher. Then you can’t be my big sister!

Awww.

Jason realized I was upset and talked to the pastor about it all. Apparently, even if Jason viewed me as ready to be a leader, I still couldn’t be one, because I’m not old enough yet. And the church has to vote on me and all that jazz. Spleh.

Mira moved into the new house <3 <3 <3

Last night, Brandon and I talked for like 2 hours…about the most ridiculous stuff. Including his love for chunky icecream….”I like it chunky!!” *dies laughing*

I spent today writing my English essay on the hunting accident and helping Angela with her history project. Which is to build a 1700′s wig-making shop. We’ve had a good time doing that….massacring Barbie’s hair for wigs…and painting it white….and destroying boxes and make-up brushes ^_^

Things with school are fallin apart all of a sudden. Art History is gonna be a bitch…I can’t concentrate worth crap to study for that class. And…I can only pull of an 85% in Freshman Studies…which is fine ’cause I’ll still get credit but…that one isn’t even my fault! The college messed up…I’m gonna try to talk to Jen about this…

Now for the kicker. I got my youth leader status revoked today. The youth is like the 3rd most important thing to me…so it hurt.  I know I’m important to my family and friends and all that but…this was different. I felt important…like I was making a difference…like I was someone. I’m really hurt. Jason said I can still do things with the youth, that he WANTS me there but…I just don’t know if I will go anymore…

Devouring the green.

Spring is stomped out,

Delayed once again.

Furry critters curl up,

Running from the chill.

The cold creeps in,

Chasing the joy away.

The ground turns white,

World becomes bland.

I can’t help but fear

The sun has run away.